Reviews For Chasing Fairies
Reviewer: crf_123 Signed Date: 23 Nov 2015 08:20 PM Title: Prologue

Yu hopes to be burberry online shop able ralph lauren to converse shoes hear soccer shoes his nervous nike roshe run heartbeat, bcbg max about, michael kors outlet violent tiffany und co impact, as toms shoes if ray ban sunglasses they longchamp taschen were michael kors still unwritten, in air max the face nike huarache of his, overwhelmed, and nervous rolex and toms outlet shy.

It coach factory outlet was just burberry outlet online the uggs outlet feeling that lululemon he prada was tiffany and co burning.

Shen michael kors Linyuan rolex watches *, supra shoes the next moment, she oakley prescription was tory burch sandals his calvin klein underwear ring converse chucks into the rolex watches arms, lying lululemon on the ugg boots side basketball shoes facing him, kiss nfl jerseys fall.

"Big swarovski canada aunt......" bcbg max Yu abercrombie Xi can't levi's jeans afford nike air max his ugg boots flustered, confused.

"Well coach outlet behaved...... burberry You p90x3 don't have...... hollister clothing Now nike roshe run just want to celine bags hurt beats audio you!" nike schoenen Shen Linyuan coach outlet store sound rough michael kors outlet breath, air max Yu replica watches Xi gucci breathlessly close pandora jewelry my m a c cosmetics eyes.

Love gucci outlet him tommy hilfiger outlet the pain hermes birkin of the most, do not air jordan retro need converse her strenuous, you coach bags outlet can north face enjoy flying air max up nike the general happiness......

Late at barbour jackets sale night, the hogan apartment, adidas the swarovski uk screen louboutin shoes lit, ray ban wearing a ferragamo cool rayban vest Rao harrods Di reebok sat prada handbags at christian louboutin the table, holding michael kors uhren a cup, louis vuitton taschen a babyliss pro pair new balance of ralph lauren sunken barbour mens jackets eyes, has been salvatore ferragamo looking hollister at abercrombie the gucci screen.

It is the nike outlet information new balance shoes on raybans the above.

Girlfriend? tommy hilfiger People?

Online not gossip of longchamp two dre beats of purses and handbags them, michael kors outlet but polo ralph lauren Shen cheap jerseys Linyuan cheap true religion gossip, softball bats a ed hardy female longchamp outlet star, ray ban sunglasses a look will nike.se know is ugg boots flirtation.

Rao Di cheap true religion thought, uggs eyes salomon schuhe closed true religion outlet and ugg ears, polo ralph "Hua north face jackets Lala" sound, tommy hilfiger and the sound burberry outlet online of nike air max 2014 the moncler jackets sale Yu michael kors outlet online xi.

The nike.dk company also new balance has reloj no michael jordan golden jimmy choo shoes age gucci outlet of their gossip


Rao pandora bracelet Di nike huarache turn off juicy couture outlet the mcm handbags screen, put burberry outlet down cheap moncler jackets the swarovski cup, stood p90x3 up, bowed his the north face head, uggs looked straightener at coach black friday his oakley canada chest, vans shoes that for glasses online the first michael kors outlet online time, cheap jordan shoes so small!


Yu nike outlet Xi is ray ban the puma online shop same as the dog burberry with the polo ralph lauren outlet dog the north face outlet Shen uggs outlet Linyuan......" timberland outlet She tory burch sale was mcm bags hanging ralph lauren polo outlet on air max 2014 her eyes, louis vuitton outlet he said, mizuno * boutique clothing drowning.

She oakley sunglasses is still louis vuitton in a hermes daze, asics gel wiggled, pedaling. coach purses Double legs, erect a stretch, michael kors "oh...... Sleepy...... Go ray ban sunglasses today...... ralph lauren outlet online The iphone 6 cases aunt...... You!"

Yu polo ralph lauren hopes uggs outlet to michael kors be ray ban able louis vuitton to nike roshe hear his nervous heartbeat, the north face about, louis vuitton outlet violent air max impact, louboutin as oakley sunglasses if abercrombie and fitch they were michael kors outlet still ralph lauren uk unwritten, oakley sunglasses in flat iron the zapatillas nike face michael kors outlet online of his, katespade overwhelmed, bottega veneta and nervous and shy.

It gucci sale was gucci handbags just the nike air max feeling coach factory outlet online that louboutin shoes he nike shoes was vans store burning.

Shen new balance Linyuan *, hollister the nfl jerseys next baseball bats moment, longchamp handbags she was his ring michael kors into jordan shoes the tory burch sandals arms, adidas.se lying on the replica handbags side toms shoes facing beats audio him, ray ban sunglasses kiss nike shoes fall.

"Big louis vuitton aunt......" michael kors Yu prada outlet Xi www.tommyhilfiger.nl can't retro jordans afford uhren shop his ralph lauren flustered, confused.

"Well behaved...... louis vuitton You don't have...... Now adidas.nl just adidas online want to hurt you!" hollister Shen pandora jewelry Linyuan cheap oakley sunglasses sound prada outlet rough mac makeup breath, new balance outlet Yu timberland outlet Xi louis vuitton outlet breathlessly bebe clothing close tiffany jewelry my eyes.

Love nike free 5.1 him nike air force the nike air max pain of michael kors the coco chanel most, chanel sunglasses do not ray ban outlet need her nike roshe strenuous, you coach outlet can rayban enjoy prom dresses flying mont blanc pens up lululemon the coach outlet general happiness......

Late swarovski jewelry at christian louboutin outlet night, burberry outlet online the juicy couture apartment, tiffany and co the nike store screen north face lit, wearing pandora charms a oakley cool vest louboutin outlet Rao christian louboutin Di sat at ugg australia the table, holding a cup, christian louboutin a jordan release dates 2015 pair of true religion jeans outlet sunken mercurial superfly eyes, burberry outlet has prada outlet been looking at the screen.

It is hilfiger online shop the information ralph lauren outlet on the handbags outlet above.

Girlfriend? pandora People?

Online not gossip of gucci outlet two of them, ralph lauren outlet but Shen oakley Linyuan gossip, burberry outlet a hermes belt female discount shoes star, tory burch sandals a michael kors canada look will ralph lauren uk know thomas sabo is michael kors outlet online flirtation.

Rao abercrombie and fitch Di thought, jordan release dates 2015 eyes louis vuitton outlet closed insanity workout calendar and ears, "Hua Lala" louis vuitton outlet sound, ugg boots and the vans schuhe sound rolex watches of nike free the nike factory outlet Yu abercrombie and fitch xi.

The pandora charms company swarovski crystal also coco chanel has giuseppe zanotti no golden michael kors outlet age woolrich womens jakets of their nike free trainer 5.0 gossip


Rao retro jordans Di turn adidas off replica watches the gucci outlet screen, put down north face the toms shoes cup, stood up, michael kors outlet bowed wedding dresses uk his glasses frames head, ugg boots looked abercrombie at north face his chest, lululemon canada that for michael kors outlet online the oakley sunglasses first tommy hilfiger online time, so small!


Yu instyler ionic styler Xi is north face the lululemon same coach purses factory as the dog longchamp with roshe run the replica watches dog louis vuitton Shen oakley sunglasses Linyuan......" She was kate spade hanging on ferragamo her nike roshe run eyes, michael kors purses he ugg boots said, * marc jacobs handbags drowning.

She thomas sabo uk is still in michael kors a daze, chanel bags wiggled, adidas pedaling. tiffany and co Double michael kors outlet online legs, tommy hilfiger erect oakley sunglasses a abercrombie fitch stretch, katespade "oh...... swarovski online shop Sleepy...... free run Go adidas schuhe today...... hollister clothing store The beats audio aunt...... ralph lauren outlet You!"

Reviewer: Monty Mason Signed Date: 21 Nov 2013 11:09 AM Title: Prologue

The fact that you improved the spacing and basically rewrote the chapter in my opinion is a good thing. The reason being, the spacing is more consistent and looks easier on the eyes (for me anyways). The elements you included this time around do actually spark curiosity as opposed to a siimple funeral scene that you had before.

Grammar for most part is good, again no one is perfect so not going to be picky about it. Story elements wise, I like the fact that you have your character question what maybe perfect and what may not be, it implies your character is a deep thinker in some ways, rather than a broad way of thinking. It gives your character some depth, hopefully you do something like this again in the future chapters, deep thinking is a significant part of first person literature after all. Torture sequences are alright I suppose, not a big fan of torture without good reason (logical reason) but if it helps drive the story forward and you can utilize that in the future chapters, then great.

Overall, the characterization this time around was better than the last time. Elements for the plot were better that actually sparked curiosity (at least in me it did). However I'll say that try not to take it in the general direction most of these types of stories tend to go in, like you know your character starts out crappy but then their life gradually improves. Giving an emphasis on the crappy part of their life can make them more relatable in the way you handle it, happy parts of life personally aren't that great to read through for drama, little bits and pieces are fine here and there. Especially for a story of this dark nature, you really will want to nail down the dark esque feel in the character's life.

Reviewer: Monty Mason Signed Date: 13 Nov 2013 10:52 AM Title: Prologue

Hi again,

Okay so right off the bat:

- You still need to work on the spacing between your paragraphs. If you go look at any book out there, it will always have spaces between its paragraphs. So something like 1.15 or 1.5 is good enough (easier to achieve in Word and the copy and paste it in the text editor here).

- I presume this sentence is refering to the past: "we'd sat drinking tea", then it's best to use "we had sat drinking tea" instead of "we'd", it can stand for many things like we would or we had, it kind of creates confusion.

- Again I'm not really getting any dark fantasy vibes from it. When you mention the part about heathens, it gives off a more supernatural vibe to the rest of the chapter from there onwards. Then again imagining the improbable does fall under fantasy I suppose, but doesn't really feel as dark. Mainly because witches have been overdone.

- As I mentioned before, the dark vibes from the chapter seem to be lacking, because funerals and witchse are overdone, perhaps in how character interactions were handleed may have made it dark. Like if the main character (the witch) had interacted with her friend Cat Sith, and one side was more against humans than the other; the words that anti-human side would spout could give it a darker tone.

For the good:

- The grammar for the most part is well done.

- And basically everything I had mentioned in my previous review for the good.

Out of curiosity, what exactly is it are you trying to get your readers to see from this story? Are you trying to teach some sort of moral lesson? Or some philosophical deep thoughts? Or are you writting this from the top of your head at the moment?

Planning the core essence of the story may better help you get a sense for what you want your readers to feel and learn as they explore this story. Because the first and second chapter are what normally either keep your readers or break them, so its best to figure out a direction well ahead of time and the ending as well.

One more tip, don't mention that it will have a happy ending. That just takes the suspense out of the whole darkness in the story. Because if we know it will have a happy ending, there is no point in worrying about what will happen to our character. If you don't say anything, then people will be kept in suspsense along with the protagonist to see their ending.

- Monty

Reviewer: Monty Mason Signed Date: 10 Nov 2013 12:15 PM Title: Prologue

Hi Mad Rollinstone,

Note: As a heads up, I'll end up being extremely honest in my review here.

So right of the bat after reading the first chapter, here are some sugggestions:

- Work on the spacing between your paragraphs, it makes it easier on the eyes to read.

- Try to review your chapters as much as possible for grammar. For example you've written: "I was fuming inside a long with [...]". The words "a long", did you mean to say "along"? Because when I read it like it is right now, it sounds a tad off, I'm not too sure about what you exactly meant to say there.

- Also while the stuff put into this chapter is good for an opening sequence, I think it could've done with more content put into it to peak the reader's curiosity and interest. I didn't really feel very curious nor interested mainly because there have been many funeral scenes written throughout literature. Maybe add in some fantasy esque material in the first chapter that is unique to your story, that can help peak the reader's interest in the story (at least for me it will).

The Good:

- Most of your grammar is well done, just the minor point I mentioned up above.

- I liked the use of the flowers to describe the different meanings behind the character bonds and care.

Overall it's an okay start, if more content is put into the first chapter, then it can be improved even more. I hope these points end up helping you improve for your future postings =).

- Monty